love from baby food city

07 Sep, 2024

got two of my wisdom teeth out today! i imagine i will be in pain very soon but for now that sweet, sweet anaesthesia is coasting me through the ache and i feel, as any intoxicated individual might— like talking about everything and nothing:

for two-ish years now i've shaved my caffeine consumption down so far it's begun to resemble my second molar to the left (which is to say virtually negligible, not a metaphor, ground to dust in my sleep. whoopsie!) it was probably, definitely the anxiety that came with a constantly elevated heartbeat. who can say. one day i woke up with tapazole in my bloodstream and no lead in my feet and the earth had fucking shifted. i don't miss being out of breath one bit.

i've begun to ramble and stray from topic and will no doubt continue to do so but stay with me. the last time i went in for cleaning my dentist requested an x-ray¹ and asked whether or not i still drank coffee to which i said not much, or really anymore. that's a no-no while you're trying to see if the drugs you're taking are doing a good enough job lowering the need to crawl out of your own skin, so. no. to be clear, because i love being clear, we're talking every quarter — a medium decaf spread across a week or so amount of coffee.

what i am trying to say is this. i have a confession to make. nothing gets you to want something more than being told you can't have it and so no, i didn't drink coffee! i did, however, order a hefty serving of tteok-beokki and kimchi bokkeumbap instead of having home cooking this past week. why? because apparently your jaw becomes an immovable object after mouth surgery. also, and more to the point, (debatable if there is one) last night i had a single dark chocolate truffle. the kind that's dusted in cocoa and melts like a lover caught in a serenade. slowly, then all at once.

was this a smart move? no. one might even call it unwise. half an hour later i brushed extra diligently because according to google this would destroy all evidence of the fact. but the point is this: it was delicious, and i was happy to be a fool.