it might as well be you
read through pj's blog entry 'please let me know' recently and wanted to write a quick post in response! 1
the brief answer would be that i live for other people.
long one from here: when the future feels bleak, i keep going because i imagine someone could maybe benefit from my sticking it out at some point.
ignoring the fact that i sound like a walking savior complex — it's more like, there are too many moving parts to write off.
no matter how average or ordinary you feel, nobody else is going to know what you know the way you know it. nobody is going to do the same things you do, whether you achieve your goals or not. that you spend time reflecting on your place in the world at all means you're probably doing your best at living, and chances are you're gonna move somebody somewhere because of it.
who's to say that the terrible essay you wrote in fifth grade isn't resting snugly in a teacher's drawer as a source of inspiration. that the smile you flashed the employee at the mall didn't keep 'em on their feet for the rest of their shift. that the next person would have tipped as well, or fallen as hard, or scraped their knees as badly.
the world is big and daunting and unfair. it is also the distance between one withered palm and another. i'm sure i've only made it so far because i've been pulled along and supported by countless others, so i have to assume i might be a tether for somebody else.
unfortunately we are all special and irreplaceable and burdened with no conceivable means of grasping the degree to which we are or will become either of these things, so to me — it just kinda feels like the safest bet is to keep moving forward.
all that said, i hope things ease up on your end so you can do whatever you want at your own pace! i believe in you!!!!!
title pulled from dimension 20’s starstruck odyssey campaign. full quote goes: “it’s a tough galaxy out there, but somebody’s gotta live in it... it might as well be you.”
016: if all else fails... i rewatch meet the robinsons.
apologies for not replying via guestbook or email, by the way— i've been a little awkward and terrible at keeping up with 1-to-1 correspondence lately. ><↩