gray world, glass birdcage

03 Jun, 2024

been trying to word this out for a pretty long while now, and two consecutive failures later i can finally say june won't defeat me this year!

i don't know what age it was (besides very young) but the big reckoning was this: let’s face it— the beating under your skin has always burned at the thought of being just one thing. you don't believe in boxes, a black and white world, or birdcages that aren't meant to be broken. you never did.

for a plethora of insane and frankly hilarious reasons i will not be getting into, coming out in this manner feels weird. i don't particularly feel any more "different" than the average person because of my sexuality or gender identity.¹ but growing up you see and hear so many terrible things related this one facet of yourself, it's hard not to celebrate being in a place where the reality of living as a minority doesn't tear you up as much inside.

you can be angry, if you want. that's okay. but i swear i haven't been lying to anybody. i'm right here. i'm in the kitchen with my headphones on and a palm over the stove to test if it's gotten hot yet. i'm reading by the curtains and the sliding door we open on the days it rains outside. i'm sat at the table next to yours ardently defending the most useless opinion you've ever heard in your life.

i've lived alongside you all this time.

you can pretend not to see me, but it doesn't change the facts. i'm right here. i'm making a break for the train platform six minutes past the start of first period. i'm one call away. i'm staring at the flower shops along our neighborhood blurring, displays paint-like as we drive by. i'm counting down the minutes to punch out the building, i'm running faster than the green man blinking to cut across the street. i'm tired, goddamnit, i'm so tired of beating up the kid in the worn-out t-shirts and size three flip flops for burning.

i'm right here.

(a/n: happy pride to my fellow lgbts! 🏳️‍🌈 the rumors and the non-existent press and the totally benign sub-heading on the blog's homepage are all true: i am in fact fluid and bi/pan.)

011: coming out story — [kicks at your ankles gently] i'm right here.